The Variety Show
by Kato Shingetsu
Summary: Hey Folks! I'm back with a brand spankin' new idea. This is a free style story, each chapter is something new an exciting for you! Enjoy my madness! If ya have any suggestions please do send! Chapter Six: Sashimi and Zombies.
1. We're all insane!

The Variety Show- By The Shingetsu Acting Company 

So we've decided on who's going to be joining the Shingetsu Acting Company for a second season. Ben, Holly, Haru and myself are still on board. Jimmy and Steven left for their own personal reasons ( Jimmy's going to fight some sort of dragon-man-thing and Steven's going to college).

So we will continue on as four. Possibly five if we can negotiate something with a friend of Ben's.

Anyway, here's the new story- A variety show of EPIC proportions.

ENJOY!

In the middle of a padded cell sat a girl. She was rocking back and forth with her eyes wide opened. The cell door opened and in walked a male doctor wearing a white lab coat.

" Case number 3215b, Kato Shingetsu" the doctor mumbled while looking at a clipboard, " Suffers from insanity after stress due to overworking on project virus"

The doctor knelt down to Kato's eye level.

" Good morning Kato" the doctor said, " And how are we feeling today, hmm?"

Kato's lips pulled into a grin as she stopped rocking back and forth.

"…It's quite now ", Kato whispered.

" Hmm yes it sure is" The doctor said, " Are you doin-"

" –They came with the darkness" Kato whispered, interrupting the doctor.

" Who came?" the doctor asked

Meanwhile a nurse was bringing a person to his cell. The guy was in a wheelchair and decided to be like Rufus from Advent Children by wearing a bed sheet over his head.

Unfortunately it didn't look as cool because the guy was using a Care Bears blanket, but none the less it did make him look mysterious.

-..and.. Slightly insane.

At the end of the hallway was a security checkpoint. Two guards sat at a square table at the checkpoint. They had never seen the cute nurse before.

" I need to see your work ID ma'am?" the first guard said with a smile.

The cute nurse checked her pockets. She didn't have one. The nurse looked back up at the guards with a smile and a sweatdrop. She quickly tore the Care Bear blanket off of the man's head and tweaked his anthro ears.

" NOW BEN!!" Holly (the nurse shouted)

Unfortunately Ben was busy sleeping and could not hear Holly's command of destruction. The two guards and Holly had sweatdrops appearing on their heads. Holly, who was humiliated, kicked Ben out of the wheelchair to wake him up.

" OWWW! What the HELL was that for ?!?" Ben shouted while standing up. He saw the two guards in front of him.

" You two are under arrest" the second guard said.

The psychic and the anthro looked at each other and then at he two guards. In five seconds the guards were knocked out. Holly went ahead to check the hallway as Ben picked up the blanket disguise and folded it up.

After sneaking around for twenty minutes the two found Kato's cell.

"Your turn" Ben said to Holly

" Right on.." Holly said and looked at the metal security door.

" AKASHAN PUNCH!"

A large boom was heard around the Sanatorium. Holly and Ben entered Kato's cell room.

" It's about time" Kato said while reading the newspaper. She turned a page with her feet.

Holly undid Kato's straightjacket and the writer stood up.

" Did you get it?" Ben asked

Kato rummaged around her hair and pulled out a bottle of curry.

" I sure did" Kato said with glee.

Back at the house of Shingetsu:

Kato was making her favorite dish ever- Hurry Curry. Hurry Curry is where you take a hodgepodge of veggies, meat and noodles or rice and stick them together in a wok. Mix in some curry and ya get Hurry Curry.

" Yayness!" Kato said with glee as she munched on some noodles.

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. News of a good nature

News of a good nature- by Kato Shingetsu 

A few days after the break out from the sanatorium things resumed their normal schedule. Kato spent her days racking her brain to try and find something new to write about. Holly, being a heartless mercenary, read to children at the library (bet you didn't see that one coming).

………..

" What about me?" Ben asked the narrator.

Huh?

" How come you never tell anyone what I do" Ben asked, " I'm pretty important to ya know"

" BEN STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF!" Kato shouted from down the hall, " It's kinda creepy"

" I'm talking to the narrator Kato…" Ben said

Kato scoffed.

" Ben, we haven't been able to hire a narrator in ages" Kato said, " Not since…

FLASHBACK!

On the set of Anime Characters do the Lord of the Rings (sometime in 2004)

" Ok…we have all the players for this fiasco" Kato said to the crew, " Now all we need is to finalize the pre-project. Anybody have suggestions?"

Of course there was a giant moose in the room.

By giant moose, I mean Sephiroth.

By Sephiroth, I mean everyone was bribed by promises of death if they did not vote for him to be narrator.

" I think Sephiroth should narrate the story" Jimmy said in forced happy voice.

" I see" Kato said and put her elbows on the table, she propped her chin on her hands, " hmmmm….No"

" No?" said the megalomaniac in the room.

' _You talking about me?' _Ben interrupted the story.

' _No, Sephiroth'_ Kato said

" Right" Kato said to Sephiroth, " I don't think you would make a good narrator."

In an instant Sephiroth was in front of the seated Kato, sword pointed at her forehead.

" Explain" said the Megalomaniac

' _You talki-'_

' _Sephiroth again'_

" I think for this story we should just let the characters present themselves and not have a narrator tell everyone what's going on" Kato said, " Now get the sword out of my face or I'll put you in a yaoi with Cloud so-help-me-God!"

END FLASHBACK!

" So that's why we don't have an official narrator in any of the stories" Kato explained, " Is just to much work"

During the end of the flashback however Ben had walked off to get pocky. Upon opening the cabinet door, Ben found a guy with black hair sitting inside.

T'was Steven.

" Dude I thought you went away for college!!" Ben said.

" I thought I was in college too, " Steven said. He moved out of the pantry to show that there was ABSOLUTLY NO POCKY LEFT.

" NOOOOOOOO!!! WHY MUST THE GODS BE SO CRUEL!!!" Ben shouted.

" WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT TALKING TO YOURSELF!?" Kato shouted while walking in. She saw that Steven had returned, " Oh! Steven-kun! Your back"

" Ahh yes. And I have brought somebody with" Steven said

Steven opened the pantry door. There was yet another boy sitting in the pantry. Steven's little brother, Timmy.

"….You brought your brother with?" Kato asked.

" I figured we could use a music guy" Steven said, " Seeing as how I'm the special effects guy"

Kato gave a nod. Kato gave Steven and Timmy the tour of the Shingetsu Acting House ( well Steven had already lived there so it didn't really matter).

The pantry however perplexed Ben. He sat in front of the pantry door, wondering how two guys could have sat in there. He stood up and tapped on the door.

'bang bang bang'

……….

' tap…tap…tap'

Oo Ben

' The pantry is haunted!' Ben thought, ' I gotta go tell everyone'

But then Ben thought about it. Already he had been accused of hearing voices. What would Kato, Holly, Steven and the new kid think if Ben said the pantry was haunted?

' Take matters into your own hands' Ben said to himself.

So, the crazy prairie-dog anthro grabbed the nearest weapon ( a steak knife) and charged into the pantry.

What will happen to Benniisan?! Will Timmy be accepted into The Shingetsu Acting Company? And who was tapping on the other side of the pantry door?

Tune in next time to the Variety Show to find out.


	3. So where were we?

So… where were we?…

….

Ah yes! Kato Shingetsu was leading Steven and Timmy around the Shingetsu household. Benniisan was going into the world of the pantry because he heard a 'thump' noise from inside.

Anyway, Timmy was playing the opening them to Final Fantasy X on the piano when Kato noticed something.

"……"

………..

" GASP!!!!" Kato finally remembered her queue. She looked into the mirror.

" I need to get my hair done!" Kato said, " It's been two months since I last dyed it"

" Kato how much money do you spend on hair products?" Steven asked.

Ok at this point I realize that no one in the audience cares about Kato's hair. So-

- In some alternate universe!-

Ben stood up from a rough landing. He looked around. This alternate universe was odd. It was a vast wasteland with an odd colored sky-

" Hey! I don't care if this place has evil sock puppet monsters" Ben shouted to the narrator, " I need to find pocky"

You can hear me?

" YES! And because of you people think I'm insane!" Ben shouted to the invisible person and frowned.

I don't think there is any pocky around here.

" But I need pocky! I need it or I will explode!" Ben said, " That happens to me sometimes"

Listen just wander around aimlessly for a few hours and you'll find something.

"… Ok that works" Ben said and wandered.

Meanwhile-

As part of initiation into the Shingetsu Acting Company, Timmy had to duel Kato in the sport of kings.

Guitar Hero II!

You'd think that be easy…but Kato decided to be a bitch about the situation.

" You have to get a higher score then me on Jordan" Kato said.

Now, Timmy's thought process was this: Kato chose the Hard difficulty for Jordan plus hyper speed. So he would take the Expert difficulty on Jordan so he could rack up more points.

"Guitar Hero II + Jordan on Expert (hyper speed) no chance in hell." Said Kato

" Oh my god!" Steven shouted, " Kato just made a math equation!"

" I did?….I DID!" Kato shouted and did her happy dance.

Now in this moment that Kato did her happy dance she let go of her guitar and lost her combo. Thus giving Timmy a chance to catch up to Kato and finally beat her.

Back in the alternate universe-

Out in that vast wasteland, Ben actually found something. Or should I say someone.

" The narrator himself" the narrator said.

" YOU were the one telling the story?" Ben said to the person.

The person, the narrator, was actually a friend of Ben's. His name was Zach. He was about 5'8 and had black hair.

" Yes" Zach said, " I was projecting my speech into your head as a way to drive you insane"

" Why?!" Ben asked.

Zach shrugged his shoulders. " It was either that or set fire to Sesshomaru's mane thingy"

The two thought about it for a second. The latter random act of insanity sounded a lot better then making Benniisan go crazy.

Hell, Kato did that on a daily basis.

" So what are you doing here anyway?" Ben asked.

" Hmm? Oh I was summoned" Zach said, " I guess Kato wanted me to join the acting company."

So Zach was relieved from his narrating/ irritating Ben duties and the two found their way back to the Shingetsu Acting House.

" Oi!"

Ben walked in to see Timmy hyperventilating on the floor. He was breathing into a small paper bag.

" What the hell happened in here?" Zach asked.

" He passed Jordan on Expert" Kato said, " Hisashiburi dane Zachnitchan!" (translation: It's been a while Zachnitchan!)

" Yo! You asked me to join. Well I'm here" Zach said.

" Ok !!"

So! Through a bizarre twist we now have another guy in T.S.A.C. Everyone make Zachnitchan feel welcomed.

Next time on The Variety Show-

"Hello?"

" Thank god you picked up. I've been KIDNAPED!"

or something like that


	4. And Kato get's kidnapped

Disclaimer: All video games mentioned in this chapter are owned by their creators. We at the Shingetsu Acting Company may own a copy of the game but WE DO NOT OWN THE COPYRIGHTS TO THE GAME ITSELF!

11-04-07: So I've decided to post this chapter without giving the rest of the Shingetsu Acting Company a head's up. Usually I give a little notice about what goes on in future chapters and ask for advice. But since Ben-niisan has gone M.I.A. and were all busy with school, they don't get a warning (insert evil laughter here).

Last time on the Variety Show!-

Zach-niichan (sometimes called Za-nitchan to emphasize uber anime kawaii pointlessness) joined the Shingetsu Acting Company at the recommendation of Ben-niisan.

Now-

It was nighttime. Kato Shingetsu was walking home after a meeting with some of the other acting companies directors.

" I hope someone made dinner" Kato mumbled, " I'm starving"

Unfortunately for Kato, she wouldn't make it home that evening…..Two…damn…weeks would pass.

' Tick…..tick…..tick…tick...'

We join the most overworked and underpaid character of the Shingetsu Acting Company, Ben-niisan, who was looking for any videogames he usually didn't play.

"…I guess I have no choice.." Ben said and then shouted, " KATO WHERE'S INDIGO PROPHECY!"

……

Ben searched around the house for either Kato or this Indigo Prophecy game but neither could be found.

" Timmy?" Ben asked.

" WHEEEEE!"

Timmy appeared in front of Ben only hanging face to face and upside down.

" What'cha want?!" Timmy asked.

" How come it's so quiet?" Ben asked.

Timmy shrugged his shoulders and disappeared back into the darkness. That was his rule: You only got to ask him one question a day.

The phone rang a few minutes later and out of boredom Ben picked it up.

" Hello?"

" Dude!" Kato whispered, " I need your help! I think I've been kidnapped"

" uh…..huh" Ben said and stared into space, "Kato, do you still have Indigo Prophecy?"

" DAMN IT BEN, NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR FKING VIDEO GAMES!!" Kato screeched into the phone.

Ben looked at the phone receiver in shock and slammed it down.

" There's ALWAYS time for video games!!" Ben stated to himself.

So Niisan proved Kato wrong by playing Shadow of the Colossus for the billionth time.

Hell who wouldn't?

Anyway, after several hours, Holly walked in. For the first time ever Holly was wearing a two-piece bikini. Anyone else probably would have noticed the vixen. But when you play Shadow of the Colossus…it's all that really matters.

" What'cha doing?" Holly asked politely while floating over Ben.

" Playingshadowofthecolossus" Ben answered quickly.

" Can I play?" Holly asked.

" When I finish…I'll be done in about ten minutes" Ben said.

Holly sat down and watched the game. She then realized something.

" Hey, niisan, where's Kato?" Holly asked.

" Kidnapped" Ben answered quickly, not taking his eyes off of the screen.

" Oh….WAIT! KIDNAPPED?!" Holly said and shut the T.V off with her mind.

Ben sat there staring at the empty screen while Holly stood up.

" Tell me everything" Holly demanded.

Ben told the conversation he had on the phone with Kato in a dull, monotone voice.

" We gotta do something" Holly said.

" What can we do?" Ben asked.

Holly gave a sigh, " First we have to trace the call" she said and picked up the phone. She dialed star sixty-nine and found something odd.

' Aoi Hana's How can I help you?'

Holly quickly hung up.

" Well?" Ben asked.

" Have you ever heard of a place called Aoi Hana's?" Holly asked.

Now, Haru happened to be passing by the room and over heard Holly's question.

" I told them I'd pay them soon!" Haru said.

Holly raised an eyebrow.

" Pay them for what?" Holly asked.

" Uhhhh…heylookatthetimeI-" Haru began to say.

Holly lunged for Haru and pulled him into the room.

" Talk! Now!" Holly demanded.

Haru gave a sigh, " Very well." He said, " Aoi Hana's is a geisha's house/gentlemen's club in the entertainment district"

" Show us" Holly demanded.

So Haru led Holly and Ben to Aoi Hana's. They hid behind a few bushes.

" So who should go in?" Ben asked.

" Haru..Go in and do whatever you do" Holly said, " Ben, poof into prairie-dog form and try looking for Kato"

Ben gave one of his anthro ears a tweak and he poofed into his prairie dog form.

" Can do!" Ben said.

So Haru walked into the Aoi Hana House, Ben was sitting on top of his head.

" Haru! It's so nice to see you again!" said a servant, " Just here for the usual?"

" Yes ma'am! Any newbies?" Haru asked.

The two walked off while Ben jumped off of Haru's head and began to sneak around.

As he walked around, Ben saw what geisha did. They were no means courtesans, but entertainers of an aesthetic nature. They sang, they danced, and they served sake and tea.

The only problem was that geisha's wore elaborate kimonos and all had the same white face and red lips.

.; Ben.

It wasn't until he was almost stepped on that Ben recognized one of the geisha walking into a room. There was Kato…in a kimono….wearing white make-up. So that he wouldn't be crushed by another geisha's sandals, Ben pulled off a bunch of wall riding tricks and hid somewhere in Kato's hair bun.

" Kato! Is that you?" Ben whispered.

"hmm.." Kato responded and gave a slight nod. Any other time Kato would admit to talking to herself (as most authors do) but now was not the best time since she was trying to entertain a group of people.

Emphasis on trying. Most of Kato's skills were writing and drawing related. Geisha created only a world of beauty, not fanfictions.

" Ano…" Kato mumbled as all eyes were now on her.

The group of customers in the room, majority being men, all looked over at Kato as it was her turn for some form of entertainment.

' Ok Kato' she said to herself, _' What can you do as a form of entertainment that's not singing, dancing, or playing a musical instrument?.. I know!'_

Kato clapped her hands and stood up.

" I know let's play a game!" Kato said, " Quick! Give me a person, place and a object"

" What are you doing?" Ben whispered into Kato's ear.

" relax" Kato muttered.

" Umm…I got a person" one man said, " A ramen cook"

" Ok, place anyone?" Kato asked.

" Hawaii!"

" and finally I need an object" Kato said, " Anything"

" A riceball!"

" Alright so we've got a Ramen cook, Hawaii and a riceball" Kato said with a smile. She took a breath and put these three objects into a short story.

" There once was a man named Mark who sold ramen on the street. One day he found out about a contest: Whoever could sell the most riceballs in town would win a trip to Hawaii. Now, since Mark's only skill was making ramen, he had no idea how to make riceballs that would sell fast. One night as Mark was sleeping a giant riceball ghost floated into the room and gave Mark super riceball making powers! The next day Mark was able to make the most delicious riceballs anyone had ever eaten. The riceballs had sold so well that Mark was able to win the trip to Hawaii. Finally at Hawaii the giant riceball ghost came back to Mark and said 'Since I helped you make riceballs, you have to help me'. Since the ghost riceball did help Mark win the trip Mark decided it would only be fair. So Mark said, ' How can I make it up to you?'. The ghost riceball gave a smile and said, ' Please, please make me a bowl of delicious ramen!'. The End!"

Kato gave a smile, bowed and sat down.

The entire group stared at Kato for a few moments.

Finally one man laughed and said, " Quite a talent you've got their Momoki"

"Momoki?" Ben whispered into Kato's ear.

After a few more songs and dances as preformed by other geisha, the Aoi House closed for the evening. The geisha went to their respective quarters for bed. As soon as Kato closed the door to her room she quickly undid her hair and shook the prairie dog out of her hair. Ben went flying and fell into the small trashcan by the side of the bed.

" Ow.." Ben groaned.

Ben poofed back into human-anthro mode.

" Kato where the hell have you been?!" Ben said.

Kato put her finger up to her lips, " shh. It's lights out." Kato whispered.

" Ok, ok" Ben whispered, " Kato what the hell happened"

" About two weeks ago-" Kato began

FLASHBACK

Kato was walking home from a meeting when a she felt a presence behind her. There stood four geisha.

" Kato Shingetsu?" one asked.

" What?" Kato asked.

One of the geisha bopped Kato in the head and down she went. The four kidnapped Kato and took her to Aoi Hana's. They were going to try and make her into a geisha.

Emphasis on try.

END FLASHBACK!

"-and that's what happened" Kato finished with a reassuring head nod.

" o..k" Ben said, " So, you don't know where Indigo Prophecy is?"

" It's where I keep all of my other video games…under the TV stand" Kato said.

Just then, Ben's prairie dog ears picked up the sound of footsteps. He quickly poofed back into prairie dog form and sat on one of the bed's pillows to look like a stuffed animal.

The door opened, there stood one of the housekeepers.

" Hey, keep it down in here" said the housekeeper, "it's lights out".

" Ok..sorry" Kato said.

The housekeeper was about to leave when she noticed the plush toy on her bed.

" Where did you get that Momoki?" the housekeeper inquired.

" Uh, one of the guests was impressed by my story telling skills" Kato answered.

The housekeeper picked Ben up by his arm.

Ben .;;

" Looks poorly made" the housekeeper commented and started to squeeze huggle the 'plush'.

Ben OO!!!

Ben finally got ticked off when the housekeeper tugged on one of his ears.

" KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF!!!" Ben shouted.

" OH MY GOD!" the housekeeper squealed and accidentally dropped Ben.

Despite the slightly bad landing, Ben scurried under the bed as the housekeeper was screaming something about there being a rodent in the house.

Holly and Haru were outside when Ben ran up to them, he was in his human form.

" Where have you been?!" Holly asked.

"….I…I WAS VIOLATED!!!" Ben shouted and started crying.

Later-

The Shingetsu acting company was having a meeting without Kato. The purpose of the meeting was to rescue the said missing person.

" To do this" Holly said, " We gotta do something drastic"

Holly put a large box on the table and opened it.

" No…freaking…way." Zach stated while looking at the contents of the box.

WHAT'S IN THIS MYSTERIOUS BOX! HOW WILL T.S.A.C SAVE KATO! AND WILL I EVER BE ABLE TO FIND THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON ON MY LAPTOP? TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT!!


	5. The Cross Dressing Episode Sorry Guys!

Disclaimer- I do not own the copyrights to any of the anime/video games mentioned in this fanfiction. I own Holly and Haru. Ben, Zach, Steven and Timmy are muses who I know.

November 28th, 2007- Hey everyone! Here's another brand spanking new chapter of the variety show, brought to you by Pocky. Remember if it's a stick and delicious, it's probably Pocky. Oh and by the way I turn 19 on Saturday so I DEMAND PRESENTS!

Last time on the variety show: Geisha kidnapped Kato. Zach played poker with Dr.Tran, AND WON FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS!

" I'M NOT A DOCTOR!!" Dr.Tran shouted.

" YES YOU ARE!!" Zach shouted back

Oh and Holly had an idea on how to save Kato.

Holly opened the box and showed everyone her secret weapon. Geisha clothing, make up and for anyone with short hair there were black wigs.

" Gentlemen, were sneaking into that house as geisha," Holly proposed

" Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Wait a second" Zach said, " Isn't there any other alternatives. I mean sure, your ok with this plan Holly, because you're a girl"

" Actually this was my idea" Haru said, " Holly's the one who stole all the clothing from the Aoi Hana's main closet"

" I'm not dressing like a girl," Zach stated.

" Ditto" Ben said, " When I signed on I agreed to be shot out of a cannon, lit on fire and possibly killed by Sephiroth… But no cross dressing!"

At this point, your probably wondering what Steven and Timmy thought about this plan. Well truth be told the minute they saw the dresses they snuck out of the house and decided to take a much needed fishing trip.

" You think they'll go through with it?" Timmy asked Steven ask he hooked a worm onto his fishing line.

Steven only shrugged his shoulders.

" Ok let's see you come up with an idea" Holly said to Ben and Zach.

" Uh…."

After a few minutes of rational thought the two hung their heads in defeat. This was possibly the best way to get Kato out of Aoi Hana's without causing any harm to anyone inside. The only con was if someone outside of TSAC recognized them it would be one joke after another about someone's masculinity.

Except Holly of course.

" But why do you need all six of us?" Zach asked.

" Four" Holly corrected, " Steven and Timmy bailed on us about two minutes ago."

" GOD DAMN THEM!!!" Ben shouted and banged his fists the table.

There was silence for a few more moments. This wasn't a suicide mission or possible being crushed into nothingness by a black hole.

This was cross-dressing.

" Give me the fucking dress" Zach groaned.

Holly rummaged through the box.

" Which one-" Holly began to ask.

" I don't care!" Zach snapped.

So everyone got dressed in silence, save for Holly who was humming a sweet tune. Holly rarely wore dresses, but she did look cute. Since Haru could be classified as a bishounen he looked pretty good in geisha out fit. Zach had to wear a wig on the count of him having short hair.

" Come on gods.. kill me now" Zach mumbled, " Open shot"

And fifty miles away, Sephiroth picked his head up and grinned. He heard the death prayer uttered by some idiot.

" Here put this on," Holly said to Ben hand held up a geisha mask.

" Are you saying I'm ugly?" Ben asked.

" NO! ….Never!" Holly reassured, " Its just people will be able to tell you're a guy more then Haru or Zach"

" This is not going to end well," Ben grumbled while tying the mask up.

The four snuck into Aoi Hana's by a back door. The group walked in a two by two line looking around, making sure nobody recognized them. Although he was wearing a mask, Ben was trying to go to his happy place.

" Oi you four!"

The group turned to see the housekeeper. Ben recognized the housekeeper from last night, a sweatdrop appeared on the mask he was wearing.

The housekeeper scolded the four for being in a large group. She assigned each of them a room. Holly was assigned to entertain a group of businessmen. Haru was assigned to serve tea to some guy. Zach was assigned to kitchen duty.

" You!" the housekeeper said while pointing to Ben, " When there's a job for you I will let you know. Till then go upstairs!"

The four went their separate ways.

Holly was standing in the middle of a room, trying to figure out what to do for the group of businessmen. She started to do a nice little jig, the gentlemen started to get sweatdrops on their heads.

Geisha do not jig.

Haru and some man were laughing at a joke that the man told.

" Oh your so funny!" Haru giggled in a high pitched, girlish tone.

The man gave a small laugh and wrapped an arm around Haru's waist.

" Well..your pretty thin" The man said, " How do you keep in shape?"

Haru was really into playing the part of a geisha. God forbid Holly see Haru like this.

Somehow Zach was able to slip into some chef's outfit. He tied a bandanna around his head and started to chop up some vegetables.

" Ok…uhhh what do I know how to cook?" Zach thought to himself.

Ben was searching upstairs for Kato. The mask he was wearing made it difficult to breath. Since Ben was upstairs he took the mask off on the count of nobody was around.

" Eerie…" he said to himself.

Just then Ben felt some ki behind him. The two in the hall way had the exact same thought:

'Knock 'em out before he sees me'

Ben spun around to block whoever was about to punch him.

"Ahh…you suck!" Kato said in a wispy tone.

" Kato?…What the hell?!" Ben asked.

" Well I was trying to escape cause this place is really c-" Kato began to say.

" No, no, I meant that "You suck" voice" Ben said, " That was kinda weird"

…..

" Are you wearing a women's Kimono?" Kato asked.

"……" Ben didn't answer.

Before the inquiring of who was wearing what could continue another person came into the hallway. She looked at Kato, looked at Ben, then back at Kato.

" (GASP) CROSS DRESSER!!!!!" The housekeeper shouted at the top of her lungs.

Insert various swears in multiple languages here (author's notes: We at the Shingetsu Acting Company encourage bilingual abilities of our players. Give a Hoot! Learn a new language!).

So the two bolted for the nearest room, shut the door and barricaded it with a chair.

" Any quick ideas?" Ben asked dully.

" Anou…" Kato muttered as she looked around.

There was a table with an ink brush and bottle of ink on it. Kato grabbed the brush, drew a giant circle in the floor and poured the ink on it. The room now had a black puddle in it.

" Jump in" Kato said.

" What the-"

" I SAID F-CKING JUMP IN!" Kato shouted.

Ben poofed into prairie dog mode and jumped into the black hole. Kato backed away from the door unto the black puddle and she began to sink in. Just as the housekeeper and another geisha force their way in Kato's head went under. The two tried to jump into the puddle but all that accomplished was getting their socks black with ink.

So there was Zach, laying on the floor. Imagine Zach's surprise when all of a sudden Ben and Kato landed on top of him.

And they were inside.

" Could you guys get off of me…please?" Zach requested calmly, " My organs are being crushed."

The three stood up and Ben looked at the ceiling.

" What was that?" Ben asked.

" It's an ink teleportation trick I learned back a while ago" Kato said. " Think of it as an elevator"

Anyway at this point Holly crashed into the kitchen trying to pull some random guy off of her.

" GERROF ME YOU BASTARD!!" Holly shouted while throwing him across the hallway.

Since Haru had sensitive hearing he rushed over as soon as he heard Holly's shouting.

" This everyone?" Kato asked.

" Yeah. Steven and Timmy bailed on us" Haru said.

The group started for the back door, but by this time their cover had been blown and everyone knew exactly where to find them.

" STOP RIGHT THERE!!!"

The five turned to see an middle aged woman standing in front of a group of geisha.

" You, new girl, why are you destroying my house?" the older woman asked.

" My friends were trying to sneak me out of here because some of YOUR girls kidnapped me and brought me here" Kato said, " I am a writer! Not geisha"

" Hmmm…of course" the middle aged woman said. She walked up to Kato and took a look at her, " Yes you are too pudgy to be a writer"

Kato's eyes went wide with a hint of anger on her face.

" Besides they only kidnapped you as payment to Haru's debt" the middle aged woman said.

" WHAT?!"

" Ehehe" Haru chuckled with a sweatdrop.

" Yes" the woman said, " Haru owes us quite a bit of money. And since Haru couldn't pay us within the three months time, we took you as payment. It was his idea"

Holly immediately proceeded to punch Haru multiple times in the face.

" YOUBASTARDYOUSOLDMEOFFTOSOMEGEISHAHOUSEHOWCOULDYOU!" Kato shouted.

" You are much too violent as well to be geisha" the woman said, " Go now. We'll settle this later"

BACK AT THE SHINGETSU HQ!

Everyone was sitting in the TV room, watching a kung-fu movie. Kato was so furious that the angry energy radiated out of her, scaring the hell out of Haru. Everyone had thankfully changed out of the geisha outfits and burned them so that no evidence of cross dressing could ever be brought up against them.

Steven and Timmy walked back into the house.

" We're ba-" Steven began to say.

Five simultaneous death glares hit Steven and Timmy.

" Umm…I brought home some fish" Steven said sheepishly while holding up a tuna.

" Oh good I'll make sashimi!" Zach said.

TO BE CONTINUED!


	6. Sashimi

Disclaimer- This is a fanfiction

Disclaimer- This is a fanfiction. I only own Holly and Haru. Everyone else is just here because I tell them to show up.

So one day, Zach decided to make sashimi and ramen noodles for everyone. Everyone looked down at the meal placed in front of them and thought the same thing.

" _Is the sashimi supposed to be moving?"_

But the ramen noodles were pretty good so it balanced out the universe.

" Ok folks" said Kato, " Today's topic is-"

Just then there was a knock at the door.

" Not it!" Kato shouted

Two other members were able to shout "Not it", leave Haru "It" to get the door.

Haru looked through the peephole to see a familiar man with silver hair and mako infused eyes.

Yes I am referring to Sephiroth. No were not familiar's with Sephiroth..it's just easy to recognize him...

Haru opened the door cautiously.

" Can I help you?" Haru asked.

" I'm looking for this man" Sephiroth said and held up a picture to Haru's eye level.

The picture was of Zach.

" Oh…hold on" Haru said then shouted to the kitchen, " KATO! SOME GUY IS LOOKING FOR ZACH!"

Everyone was sitting in the front room.

" So why do you need Zach?" Kato asked.

" A few hours ago your friend prayed for a quick and painless death" Sephiroth said, " I am here to carry out that prayer"

Everyone gasped, they were shocked to hear that Zach's life might end in the next few moments.

" YOU CAN'T!" Kato shouted, "…He's…he's Zach!!"

" Yeah man.." Ben said, " I own his soul."

Everyone looked over at Ben and Zach.

" It's true" Zach said to everyone, " I sold my soul to Ben back in '02 for a bag of chips."

" Oh..so desu ne?" Kato said.

Unfortunately during our absence, Kato has gotten into a habit of saying random things in Japanese. "So desu ne?" meant "Oh is that so?".

" I don't care who sold what" Sephiroth said, " Zach's going to die by my hands, today!"

A few moments of silence went by. Ben stood up and was about to go into a demonic mode (this hasn't been seen since O:PF…scary thought)

" Your going to have to get though me!" said Youkai-Niisan.

Everyone (minus Sephiroth) was moving away from Ben. In a flash, a sword was drawn and sheathed. Sephiroth gave Ben a warning…ano.. hair cut.

" Huh.. What the?!-" Ben looked around and noticed he got a hair cut, " WHAT THE HELL!? NOOOOOOOO!"

While Ben was busy sobbing in the corner, everyone else was trying to figure out some way to keep Zach from dying.

" Are you done saying goodbye? I do have other places to be" Sephiroth said, sounding agitated.

"…W-wait!" Kato said, " What if…what if I told you where Cloud was?"

It was a long shot.

" Go on.." Sephiroth said, sounding very interested.

Everyone looked over at Kato with the same look on their face. The type of look that said 'what the fuck Kato?'.

" Yes..Cloud is…at the…..edge of town" Kato said, pausing between every few words so she could keep her story straight, "..staying at…a…five and a half…seasons.."

Now, Sephiroth was a man of high intelligence. He was at least 85 positive that Kato Shingetsu was making up the whereabouts of Cloud Strife. However, it's also very possible that Kato Shingetsu had a speaking disability that made it difficult for her to form rational sentences.

" Alright then Shingetsu…take me to Cloud" Sephiroth demanded, " If your lying..I'll kill you"

So Sephiroth led Kato to the door. Zach gave a sigh of relief.

" Your coming too" Sephiroth said to Zach.

" God damnit" Zach mumbled and walked off with writer and megalomanic.

A few moments later, the door opposite front entrance opened. In walked Steven.

"…What I miss?" he asked.

After a few minutes of relaying the story to Steven, Ben pounded on the table.

" Damn it we have to do something!!" he said.

" And what do you suggest we do Aniki?" Holly said, " None of us are actually strong enough to take on Sephiroth"

" What if..we found Cloud.." Steven suggested, " think about it. If Sephiroth's is here in the area then Cloud could be as well"

It sounded crazy but it could work.

" Alright!" Haru said, " Lets go find Cloud"

Haru stood up with a fist raised in triumph. Everyone stared at the sabaku-kitsune with a raised eyebrow.

" Your not going Haru" Holly said dully.

" Yeah" Ben said, " This whole thing is your fault"

" W-what" Haru shouted, " I…I didn't do anything!!"

" Yes you did!" Steven said, " You opened the door."

" You weren't even here when Sephiroth abducted Kato and Zach" Haru complained.

" I was busy making a mod Guitar Hero" Steven said coolly.

" Yeah. See Haru, Steven actually does stuff around here" Holly commented.

So Holly, Ben and Steven left to try and find Cloud. Haru just sat there at home and decided to be emo about the situation.

" My life is just a black abyss…it's so dark.."

At this point you're probably wondering what happened to Kato and Zach. And it this time I realize that ABSOLUTLY no one reads this story. So if I were to…oh I don't know…make a yaoi on the spot right here right now-

We go back to the actual story because Zach was screaming his head off.

The three were on the city bus when this happened. People were moving away from Zach because they were fearing for their lives.

" What's wrong?!" Kato asked

" Someone said the word yaoi…THE HORROR!!" Zach shouted.

" Don't worry Zach" Kato said, " Where there's yaoi…yuri is not to far behind"

Zach paused for a moment…then grinned.

" I hope you two remember that if I find out your lying I'll kill you" Sephiroth said to break up the mood.

" Uh…Were both thinking about yuri right now" Kato said, " If we die, it'll be in our happy place"

Everyone on the bus turned and looked at Kato Shingetsu with wide eyes.

" That's right" Kato Shingetsu shouted, " I SAID IT! I SAID HAPPY PLACE!"

Anyway the bus made its final stop and the remaining passengers were forced out of the bus. Fortunately for us the only passengers left were Sephiroth, Kato and Zach. They were out in the middle of nowhere. The bus turned around and left.

" Ah Christ…" Kato mumbled, " That was the 237 bus…"

The two looked back at Kato.

" Yeah we were supposed to take the 235" Kato admitted, " While we were on the bus I had tat irking feeling that we were on the wrong bus….Sorry 'bout that"

"ENOUGH!" Sephiroth shouted and was about to go off on the whole, ' I knew you were lying' rant.

" Yes, yes, yes" Kato said, " Lying and Clouds and yuri. C'mon kill me already"

Zach had one of those wide-eyed anime faces. He went over to Kato.

" Are you out of your fucking mind?!" Zach asked.

" Yes…" Kato said, " Besides everyone knows what's ganna happen. Sephiroth's ganna try to impale me but then Cloud will magically appear out of no where and save our sorry asses."

Alas my dear audience, this did not happen. Sephiroth, irritated at Kato's predictions, decided to kill Kato right then and there by stabbing her in the stomach. There was a two second period where Kato was staring off into dead space.

"This…is…my…st" Kato managed to say.

The she keeled over and died.

Yay.

" HOLY F&!!" Zach shouted.

Now even though Kato had just died, her prediction did come to pass. Cloud DID end up magically appearing. He too unfortunately got on the 237 bus instead of the 235.

So really…Kato wasn't lying….it was all just bad timing.

If your all wondering how Cloud defeated Sephiroth, just watch the Advent Children fight sequence again.

Now here's the weirdest part of the story. Zach was busy watching Cloud fight Sephiroth. When he looked back to where Kato's body was…it was gone.

DUNDUNDUNTHISISAHORRIBLESTORYDUUUNNNNNNNNNN!!

Anyway Zach overreacted and went back to the house and began to gather supplies.

A few hours later, Steven, Holly and Ben came back home. They were amazed that Zach was still alive.

" Where's Kato?" Steven asked.

" She's dead" Zach said, " But…guys…we have a bigger problem! I think Kato's a zombie!!"

TO BE CONTINUED!!


	7. Kato's Back

Disclaimer- I do not own the entities mentioned in this fanfiction. Please do not sue me.

* * *

So Kato decided to get off her bum and write more. How did this happen you ask?

Well…

A few hours ago.

" Oiii, mail call." Ben shouted.

There was a rumble. The entire Shingetsu Acting Company came rushing out of various places to mug the prairie-dog anthro.

" JESUS CH-" he began to shout.

But alas, Benniisan did not get to finish his sentence. The group grabbed for the mail and ran off. Ben was left on the floor with his mail, he was knocked unconscious.

" Junk….junk….junk…" Zach muttered, ' Hey the new shounen jumps in."

" You should really switch over to Yen." Holly said, " It's a lot better."

" Oh goodie Korean Manwha" Zach commented skeptically.

" It's good." Kato commented while going over her mail.

She pulled out an unmarked letter and studied it. With a shoulder shrug Kato opened it.

Someone had sent her_ The Worst Fanfiction Ever_.

After a few moments of reading Kato looked up.

" Anybody know who wrote this piece of garbage?!" Kato asked.

Holly looked at the letter,

" Oh…yeah some chick name Tara or Karen" Holly commented, " I glanced over it a few months ago. I puked, then I went back to 4chan."

" This fanfiction is out there," Kato said spastically, " And I'm sitting on my ass playing WoW all day?!"

"…Yeah…pretty much" Zach said and paused, " … No! Wait you made sandwiches the other day."

" Well, I don't like this." Kato said and stood up from the table, " I'm going back into fanfiction!"

" That's what you said last time." Haru said.

" This time… it's personal." Kato said and got her coat.

Before leaving she looked down at the still unconscious Ben.

" Niisan what happened to you?" Kato asked. Getting no response Kato left.

* * *

That's right folks. I'm ganna try again with writing fanfictions. Lend me your support. I promise to do better this time.


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